If you don’t live under a rock then you know about last weeks NFL match-up, Seahawks versus 86’er’s in the NFC championship game and heard about the Richard Sherman and Michael Crabtree feud that has exploded all over the media. Wait who won? Oh yah Super Bowl bound for the Seattle Seahawks, go Hawks. Considering we always like to do things slightly differently here in Northwest, we thought we’d offer our readers an alternative view of the Sherman vs. Crabtree saga and what potential future challengers of Mr. Sherman will face. No crabs were hurt but they were drowned in butter following the photo shoot and were eaten with our mouths open and elbows on the table.
Richard Sherman vs. Michael Crabtree According to Sports Turf NW
We remember the interview after the NFC Championship game something like this. This is a Vine video, ask your kids what that is, we only got 6 seconds to shoot. Your kids will think your cool if you ask them about Vine, so try it. This link will take you to the Vine website where you can see a real crab in a tree (Crabtree) get schooled.
VINE VIDEO OF CRABTREE GETTING SCHOOLED
When Crabtree gets over the initial shock of being plucked from his peaceful existence, he may use all his crabbiness to start chasing down Sherman with his Crabtree claws. The scuffle leads them out of the tree, and Sherman continues his assault against Crab(tree).
Sherman has additional support and brings out the real guns, a UVC germicidal death ray machine called the miniZapr. Yep, Sherman goes gangsta style fighting challengers with proven technology that keeps kids safe on the turf from Staph and MRSA health issues. Hint: (Notice all the blood and sweat and snot on the players? Well your kids are also rolling around in the same toxic soup and how is your facility sterilizing the turf? How about the locker rooms, weight rooms and wrestling mats?) Heck, maybe Sports Turf Northwest is trying to stir up some awareness with this drama?
FYI: the miniZapr is a state of the art ultra violet light machine that renders all things disease worthy, useless. MRSA, Staph, flu, and even norovirus don’t stand a chance against the all powerful and wizard-like miniZapr. To those with the advantage, the miniZapr works just like a lawn mower of destruction. A Crab(tree) doesn’t stand a chance.
All joking aside, we did notice an exorbitant amount of blood, spit, and other gross stuff littering the field during the NFC Championship game. We were all left feeling the strong need to keep athletes like Richard Sherman and Michael Crabtree safe from potentially fatal problems like MRSA and Staph which are easily spread when bodily fluids come in contact with broken skin. Parents and athletic facilities need to open their eyes to the real dangers faced by athletes. Artificial turf maintenance equipment like the GreenZapr, and miniZapr are designed to destroy harmful bacteria. You think we are making the danger up? Remember the Tampa Bay Buccaneers a few months ago? We will let you Google up the story, just type in Tampa Bay Buccaneers+MRSA. But now, back to the story.
Crabtree will probably shout obscenities at Sherman like, “Our billionaires are younger than your billionairs”, but eventually will succumb to what he knows as his true fate, death by miniZapr. Thanks to help by the miniZapr, Richard Sherman has gotten rid of this weeks prima donna.
Poor Crabtree will fall silent against the all powerful Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks. #25 will reign as the Corner of Terror once again and feast upon the flesh of his opponent and savor the dessert of Skittles he collected from the NFC championship game.
And that, my friends is how we see the Sherman and Crabtree feud playing out. UVC technology prevails. As always.
Richard Sherman does not endorse the product in the post, just having some fun.